Nobody Likes to do it.....

I thought today I would talk about one of my PHOBIAS. I think everyone has a fear of something, whether it's dying, spiders, flying... well, mine is a rare one and Ive done a little investigation into it. Since I think Im a self-healing doctor (only in practice for myself), I have diagnosed myself with Emetophobia: Fear of Vomiting or of being around others who are vomiting.
The reason I talk about this today, is because I was riding the bus home from work on Monday and all of a sudden I felt like I was going to puke. I felt fine all day long.. no sick feelings, no headaches, no signs of feeling crappy at all.. so I was bewildered. Seriously, I was sitting there, and I had that feeling in my stomach.. and the bus was full of passengers because it was rush hour and I got EXTREMELY anxious. I was squirming in my seat and desperately trying hard not to think about puking. I opened my bag to see if I had a plastic bag with me just in case it started coming up and I did. The ONLY thing going through my head was: please dont puke, please dont puke.. omg.. please... Then my phone rang (it was a sign that I wasnt going to puke) and it was my friend. I hate talking on the phone while riding the bus because it's rude and uncomfortable to the other passengers. My friend asked if I was on the bus and I said yes.. but it's ok. I told her that I didnt feel good and was fighting the urge to puke so this would hopefully take my mind off it. It eased my stomach a little bit, but was a lot better once I got off the bus.

WTF? Once I was talking to someone at work and told them that the only thing Im afraid of is puking! So, all of a sudden a link to "fear or vomiting" appeared in my email inbox. lol..
People think this is funny, but to me.. it's far from funny (although I laugh at it). I have NO idea why I have this anxiety towards puking... nothing traumatic happened to me when I was younger.. I didnt get puked on or anything. So, im not sure where this comes from, other than the fact that it's extremely disgusting to me. I would rather see your guts hang out.. torn off limb (im being extreme here) or something like that than to see you puke. And yes, I know.. nobody likes to puke.. it's just one of those things that we cant help.. a natural bodily function.

I have not puked in 18 years, although I have been close many times. It's really weird to me. I dont avoid going out to eat, or eating certain types of food (however, I have thrown away food or avoided food in the past bc I thought it would give me food poisoning and then I would puke). I dont lock myself in the closet and hide from the world. I feel normal.. although sitting here talking about this, my heart is beating very fast.. im anxious just talking about it. UGH. I thought I was the only person who had this.. then I learned that there are other people out there that suffer from this at an extreme level, where they dont go out to eat for fear of eating something that would make them puke, etc...

OK.. so everyone that knows me, knows that I have this fear of puking. Yes, I get teased.. esp by my sister and now her kids bc they know I hate it. To them, it's just part of life (not that I disagree) and with her having kids... well, it's unavoidable. My little brother was sick on Christmas this past year.. so he runs to the bathroom, shouting: "Move, Im going to throw up". So, im running away from the bathroom with my fingers jammed in my ears so I cant hear him and my sisters kids are running TO the bathroom so they can see it!! WHAT?????
When I dont feel good, my mom (#1 puker of all time) will suggest to me that I stick my finger down my throat and make myself puke!! WHAT?? Are you fucking serious?? I would rather stick my hand in a garbage disposal, than make myself puke.

Since I work downtown & close to the Metrodome (where the Twins & Vikings play), I cant count the number of times ive seen puke on the sidewalk.. I ruins my day when I see this. I get that "watery mouth" feeling and everything inside turns upside down. Then I take a few deep breaths and try not to think about it.. and Im usually able to calm myself down. I have also realized that I could never be bulimic (not that I would want to.. that's disgusting too).. but how do those people do that? We wont go there bc that's a whole 'nother issue.. but it's the act of doing it that makes me ill.

Why do I have this??? I hate it. Im fine with dog & cat excretions (puke and shit).. but not with human. And why do they have such gross names for it? Barfing, puking, hurling, vomiting, etc... there are so many.. im sure you can add to this list too.. It drives me nuts. Now, when I get on the bus, I get anxious and look for a seat in the back. I hope this feeling subsides. So, now everyone knows that this isnt a joke to me.. I dont think it's funny when you "pretend" that you are going to puke in front of me, pretend that someone threw up on MY pillow on their road trip to Chicago (STACY.. no, I havent forgotten about that), or pretend anything about puking. I will not hold your hair back or rub your back while you puke.. I will run, run, run far away from you if you tell me youre going to barf. I will get extremely anxious if you tell me you dont feel well and feel like youre going to puke. I actually have many stories that I remember about this.. things that dont go away from my head.

One story and then I will close. I joined a "family" field trip with my niece and nephew for a boy scout outing. My sister couldnt go, so she asked me if I would like join them, to which I said yes. We are having a good day and evening. We are playing flash-light tag in the dark around the cabin that everyone was staying in.. when all of a sudden some kid yells from out of the cabin that "someone puked in the cabin"... and my heart beat skyrocketed because I just KNEW that it was my niece. Im sitting by the fire now and she comes walking over to me, stands in between my chair and another chair (my ex-boyfriends chair).. and bends over and pukes some more. Ive NEVER jumped out of a chair and ran so fast in my life. Jeff, (my ex) comes over to me and says, "what are you doing? She's sick and she cant help it". So I told him that I cant deal with it and asked him if he would help her? He said "NO.. you get over there and help her". And I realized that he was right. I had to suck it up because she was my niece and I had to help her. I slowly walked back to her and asked her if she was ok and if she felt like she was going to puke some more. She said no, she thought she was done (which she was.. thank god) and we walked around for a few minutes. Then I realized that I had to clean up the barf in the cabin.. OMG... I knew I couldnt do it. It took a lot of courage for me to face my neice and help her.. but I knew there was NO WAY I could clean it up. When I got to the cabin, the head scout guy was already cleaning it up. I thanked him and thanked him and told him that I dont do puke. He said he's used to it bc he has kids. We ended cutting our weekend short and bringing Kelsie home so she didnt get anyone else sick.. It was quite the experience for me.

Dont tease me!!! :)

A BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY WONDERFUL FRIEND ANDI DUNN IN ATLANTA!! HAVE A GREAT DAY!
~Peace