Happiness, or something like it....

Ive been emailing with someone in Chicago.. we will call him JS (because those are his initials and to protect his identity). Ive never met JS before, however made contact with him because of a work issue.. and this friendship blossomed (I have that effect on people!:). So, last Friday, JS and I got into a pretty deep conversation about happiness and being happy. He has recently met a woman (we call her STL.. I dont know her name and it's irrevelant anyway) and she makes his heart soar! They, unfortunately live in different cities, so dont get to see eachother all but a couple times a month. But JS shared all his feelings about STL and how happy he is when he's with her or talks to her or what have you.. Well, JS knows that im single & have had issues with men ive dated in the past and says in one of his emails to me "PL (what he calls me) will find this kind of happiness someday, I just know it".





JS opened a huge can of worms for me!!!

Let's talk about this happiness thing. Everyones life goal, it seems is to be happy. Of course, who doesnt want to be happy? It makes one feel good on the inside and out and these people are so easy to recognize. These are the people that walk around with the perma-smile plastered to their faces.. ive seen them before and sometimes it makes me ill! hahaha.. I think we strive for happiness in our lives at one point or another.. like it's our mission to find this happiness.. or something like it.


Everyone measures happiness on different levels. Some people think material things are responsible for their happiness, and some believe having kids, having a significant other, social status, huge ass mansion, as well as many other things are responsible for happiness. So, when JS said this to me, it made me stop to ponder what will make PL happy and why do people think that im NOT happy?

I have never found that special someone for me. Ive had a few long term relationships in the past, even marriage, but that man doesnt seem to exist for me. Maybe he will pop up someday, but im done looking for him. Ive heard all the things people have to say to me about this topic:

1. He will come to you when you least expect it
2. You have to believe in it
3. Youre not looking for him, he's looking for you.
4. You will find him someday...blah, blah, blah
(im sure you can think of some more)

UGH! Ok people, im over it. I get it. Im reminded almost everyday that I dont have that special someone... that everyone else in my life has. Yes, maybe PL is supposed to single? Who made the rules that there is someone for everyone?? Maybe there is no one for PL?? HUH? Who knows. I feel like a freak show sometimes because I dont have a boyfriend or dating anyone in particular. My friends and family are so used to me being single that I think they would stroke out if I did ever find that someone. But when I do go out with some guy, it seems like it's the hot gossip.. everyone wants to know what happened.. who is he..where did you meet him.. where did you go.. did you have sex with him? It drives me insane.

So, for now.. PL is happy! Esp with this Budget thing.. NOT. I dont measure my happiness with material things. For me, things are replaceable. They make you feel happy for a short period of time, until you get bored of that thing.. then it's no longer calculated into your happiness. ( EX: Like a puppy.. they are so cute at first and sweet.. and so dependable on you.. and loving.. everyone loves puppies and they make you happy! BUT THEN.. one day you come home and the puppy crapped all over.. tore up your brand new $500 shoes (that made you happy last week).. and now youre not so hapy anymore. lol... ) For me, true happiness is just something that you feel.. almost hard to explain.. kind of like falling in love for the first time.. or something like that.

I havent posted anything for a week, because this JS dude has been taking up all my time! LOL.. (just kidding JS.). Also, as I was telling JS.. blogging is a way for me to release some of my bottled up feelings or anger.. or what have you. And fortunate for me, JS has been an outlet for me as well.. not only does he read what I send in emails, he responds too.. almost better than blogging. However, I like the blogging because I dont always need feedback. Sometimes I just need to let things out. JS and I have covered a lot of ground in the past couple weeks.. it's so strange. I have seen a pic of him and also shared a pic of myself. But I was thinking.. hmmm.. im not sure that I would ever want to meet JS in person.. not that it's an option.. but just thinking if I ever had the option. The mystery of this whole thing is what keeps me coming back for more (almost an addiction). It's almost like on-line therapy in a strange way. hahaha.. actually, im not sure how to explain it. We get it though and thats all that matters. JS is super cool.. easy to talk to.. and he also shares stuff about his life with me. JS is currently involved with STL, remember.. and after all our "therapy sessions" it will be intersting to see how it all works out. Im routing for JS & STL.. he's really into her. This is something exciting and different for him and Im excited for him! GO JS! Ive told JS that I have a blog and that im blogging about him, but havent shared it with him yet. I dont know if im ready to share it with him... it's so stupid. I need to think about it.. hahaha.. He says im a "tease".

The budget thing.. well, its teaching me ALOT about me. Im pretty resourceful if I want to be. I knew that, but havent tested it for a while. It's always good to put yourself in check once in a while. Here are some of the good things of this lame budget:

1). I ask people to drive me places (when were going to the same place that is), instead of always driving alone.
2). Im staying home more, which has it's rewards.. my bedroom is now clean, my clean clothes are actually put away in my closet instead of sitting in the nice little pile on my chair, the basement is getting cleaner, as well as the bathroom.
3). The dog is getting walked on a daily basis and PL is getting her exercise too.
4). Im cooking at home more.. of course cooking things that will have left overs for lunches and dinners for the next couple days too.
5). Im taking the bus everyday now to and from work. I used to drive a couple times a week, but now since the budget kicked in.. parking money would have to come from those funds and that's one less beer when out having fun!

I suspect that this list will grow to be even longer in the next couple months.. so, it's not so bad after all. I have been very good. Only went over the $150 one time (by $20) otherwise i have stayed with in my limit. I only had $13 yesterday in my purse.. to last me until Thursday. Today, I have $2 in my purse. I have to think very carefully about where im going to spend my money.
Well, my day has been over for a while now here at work. It's nice and quiet in my office, so it's easy to put together some thoughts and not get interrupted while writing. Heres to happiness!
~Peace