Wednesday, July 16, 2008

A Hodge Podge of Randomness

I like to play a little game with myself sometimes. When I wake up in the middle of the night (or in the wee hours of the morning) I like to see if I can guess what time it is. This morning was one of those mornings. I laid in bed, looked out my window too see if there was any indication of light (which there was NOT) so I guessed 3am. Then I rolled over and it was 4:30 am. UGH! The first thought that went through my head was "Only an hour left of sleep!!" ( I think this everytime I look at the clock.. only "X" more hours/minutes of sleep). Well, unfortunately for me (because I adore my sleep time) I couldnt fall back alseep because I had too many things running through my head at this henous hour.

So, I laid there for 45 minutes thinking about all these things. Why is it that when im the most tired, my mind does this to me? I think about one thing, that leads into something else, which leads to something else. Before you know it, im upset or worried about something and then im out of wack for a while. I realized that there has been a lot on my mind for a while now and it's time to deal with them... here in my blog (lucky you)! Im going to settle in here at my desk at work (I love to get paid to do this) and spew my random thoughts....

1). I have some strange dreams!!! Last night I dreampt of my cousin who died in a motorcycle accident when I was in 8th grade (which was over 20 years ago). What's strange, is that I wasnt so close with him when he was alive because we were approx. 7-8 years difference in age. But for some reason he pops up in my dreams once in a while. Even more strange than that.. in my dream he was going to marry our cousin Shelly! I kept telling him that he couldnt marry her because they are cousins! But the most freaky part of the dream to me was the fact that in the dream I knew that he was going to die in a motorcycle accident... so before they could get married he would die. I remember in the dream, hugging him before I left him and telling him that I loved him, to which he replied, :I love you too, Paula". OK.. that side of my family, we arent the "I love you, huggy and kissy" people.. so that part really stood out to me.

I also dream about people I work with, which sucks because I feel like when I come to work, I need to tell them that they were in my dream the night before! It's just random people.. and they like to hear that they made a cameo in my dreams!! Of course I work with mostly men, so they usually want to know if we were naked at any point in the dream!! haha!

2) I suck at finances!!! Ok, so truth be told.. I really do suck at finances! And it's all my ex-boyfriends fault (when in doubt, blame it on someone else!!!). Quick & boring run down.. we lived together for almost 3 years, broke up 2 1/2 years ago, he was a drug addict who didnt want to work, etc.... and now I havent spoken to him in well over a year. Well, when he moved out of our place, I could hardly afford to pay the rent, let alone pay the utilities and all the other bills I had accumulated. So that set me behind on EVERYTHING.. and still behind today! I finally moved to a cheaper place (which I hate.. but that's a diff story) so I could afford to catch up.

All I have to say, is THANK GOD for good friends. My dear friend Michelle has offered to help me to get organized! We sat down last night and I laid everything I had (all debt.. which is embarassing) out on the table for her to see. She was wonderful & respectful to me and said, "It's not that bad". So, we figured out how much I can live on in a week ($150).. cash of course.. no credit/debit cards, no checks.. just cash to pay for everything I do (except the bills). She took my debit card away from me (which I love so much!!) and we made a PLAN! Im so excited about this.. but the down side is that I may need to get another job. Did this before.. hated it. But, I got myself into this mess, and now it's time to step up to the plate and bat. I told her I will do whatever it is that I need to do.. and that's what I plan on doing. Thank you Michelle, I love you!!!

3.) Dating sucks! Yes, it sucks being single sometimes. Where are all the single, NORMAL dudes in this world? They sure arent in Minneapolis! OK.. so I have been single for a while now.. over 2 years.. (2 1/2 to be exact).. and I havent been on ONE date. I take responsibility for that because I really havent put myself out there, however, im not sure where to meet men. All of my friends are either married or have boyfriends/girlfriends. Everytime I go out with a group, Im the "single" one.. That's how everyone has come to know me and accepts me! :) Part of the problem is that I love being single. After a series of shitty relationships, I realized that it's easier for me to just take care of ME and worry about ME. Im very independant and very capeable of taking care of myself. But part of me wishes I had someone too.. not all the time, but sometimes.

Heres my story.. a quick one. I go to this bar because of one of the waiters..haha.. stupid, but true. He's good looking, funny and has caught my interest. So, over the last year I have gotten to know him and know that he's single...(but recently understood that he's not a good catch). Last week we learned that we were both going to the same benefit for a person we both knew... so he asked me if I wanted to go with him! Of course I jumped on that. (bad point 1.. he doesnt drive.. 3 DWI's.. WTF? These are the people that I attract).. so we decided to meet at the bar, have a couple beers and go to the benefit. OK.. let's meet at 2pm. I get there.. he's not there. He finally calls his buddy at the bar at 3:20pm and tells him to find me.. he does.. I call him. I think my words were "Youre an F-ING loser". Maybe not a good choice of words, but I was pissed off and had 3-4 beers in me by now. We spoke on the phone for about 3 minutes and I went to pick him up finally. Went to the benefit and it was a disaster. He acted as though I had 20 heads and weighed 900 lbs (not that there is anything wrong with that..haha.) and as soon as we walked in the door.. he was off and running. I think we spoke 4 or 5 times while we were there, he was impolite and rude. HELLO loser, you asked me to go, I didnt ask you to go. So, let's just say the evening ended bad.. (bad point 2.. he's a gambler and spent all his money at the benefit on PULL TABS). I brought him back to the bar where he works, I left after he bought me a couple beers (I had to get something out of him).. and havent seen him since. Loser. End of story! I havent decided if im going to go back to that bar yet.

4). Blogging takes a lot of time!!! This is one of the things that has weighed on my mind because I havent posted since the 3rd. I decided to do this because it looked like fun.. and reading other people's blogs was fun.. and I thought this is something I could do. But you have to have something to write about.. and it has to be interesting... otherwise people will send me emails and say "It's kind of boring". Also, blogging should have pictures or something fun added to them.. like games (we can usually find some fun games here at work).. so it's been bothering me because I dont know what angle I want to take with this blog.
One thing I have learned about blogging is that it's theraputic! But getting out of town, going up north.. out of the city for a weekend is also theraputic for me!! So, there needs to be an angle! Any ideas? I also need to dust off the cobwebs from my camera and get that thing fired up again. I love pictures and taking them as well... so I need to do that and get some pics on here. I think I live a pretty FUN life.. exciting (being single can be exciting .. and I like to go out on a limb to make sure it's fun).. so if I can document these via camera.. via blog.. it can be fun for everyone. I will have to think a little more on this...

Well, work is calling. Thank god I dont have a super stress filled day (although working here can sometimes cause that... it's the people usually!) More on my job later.. you may find it interesting.
Have a great Wednesday!
~Peace.

2 comments:

JROD said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JROD said...

Hey Paula. Nice post. Lists are great, aren't they. I gravitate to them sometimes when I have a lot on my mind.

In my experience, blogging eventually gets easier and easier as you develop a particular "style" and "rules" for yourself. I talked about it briefly in my blog this morning.

I've found, that for myself, I needed to clear my brain of the jumbled mess of things by just writing random things...then my thoughts begin to become more and more clear. It's almost like blogging was the "spring cleaning" that my mind needed.

Whatever it is, and however you do it. I'm looking forward to reading it. Everyone has such a unique take on the world...good luck telling us about yours.

JROD